```iamsharonang--

memories-

Thursday, July 15, 2004

DARN! what i typed just disappeared! hai, shall jsut retype bah..

i just re-read my entries since the one about chuguo.. i found absolutely nothing wrong with it. they r just all what i think and felt. so im not gonna hide any stuff or change my style even thou another person is reading. anyway cum to think of it, ive mentioned previously, that i hoped that she would read my lj anyway. soo i shall jsut continue..

Tuesday- eh.. lessons? hmmm..forgot what hppened for the past few days liao.. cosh got alot of stuff on my mind. after school, felt abit wierd again.. just the feeling of being anti-social. went past the foyer, saw marie and decided to pei her take 196.. i alighted at marine parade library to study.. yup.. did quite alot there.. biology practical, physics assignment and studied biology! felt more accomplished than ever becos i intended to go home to sclak one.. oh remember liao! morning when i went to school, found a gigantic winnie the pooh bear beside my table! geex... wonder its whose.. den pe, played bball bah.. quite fun la.. thou i felt wierd.

at night.. tuition.. huiyi and zhaoyu din come.. but me and berdine did the maths together lorh.. quite fun.. but its getting more challenging yeah?

Wednesday- ... eh oh! the boring lessons.. english did compre.. hey i thot can slack due to the orals.. but still hafta do work. intended to study biology one.. den yup...social studies slack den slack all the way liao... maths miss fang went thru the emaths ri paper. hmm, think huiqing very cham nowadays la.. i think i handed in even lesser work than she did.. but she's getting called so often nowadays.. after maths, asked Wanting for opinion on which library to go.. den she sae go with them blah blah.. haiz. duno whether its a good thing annot la.. on the way there, it was really akward. i hardly spoke.. she hardly spoke too.. guessd that she must be troubled over suming, wad i duno. thruout the bus journey was itching to open my mouth to ask her. but din dare to of coourse. was making quick glances at her.. realised that she looks really sick. poor gurl. when i finally dared to ask, it was at bedok. me, xiaoting, mabel and wanting went to the sushi place to eat.. hahah duno whether its a good memory or not. just that last year, the four of us went there to eat too.. doubt any of them can remember coz im not even in their memories.

den liddat lorh.. got this big big urge to ask another time. but had very mixed feelings too la.. its like im afriad of worsening things becoz afterall, im kinda like the cause of it all? the worst part is that if i do, i wun be able to concentrate on studying once again. ate this chicken thingy there.. den rushed home. haha quite nice to go back and dun hear my parents nagging.

studied awhile and watched tv awhile before deciding to eat once again.. was stuffing the food for 45min before i finally finished. geez.. den studied.. after studying and doing homework, i wanted to sleep, but then decided to do it. yup.. wrote and wrote and wrote.

TODAY- morning was feeling very very excited.. and of coz, nervous. din noe whether to give it or not. passed her the maths contents page last, and then finally decided to face it and just pass the darn thing to her. during pe, we played cball.. not very happie with the grouping, but nevertheless played with fun. long time no play..

recess went with Lijun.. yuewoon spoilt jen's and jocelyn's amazing plan.. haiz, too bad no fun to see. heehee.

lessons... had the hongkongers come in.. den lessons went on as usual. issit me or the teacher, the lessons seemed much more monotonous than before..

finally lessons end. i couldn chiong off lke last week to the library as i had meeting. found zhaoxiu to eat lunch with me..ate with jen too. den after lunch, went to read the reply. ah ya. din expect it to be written into the reply la. mebbe its good too.. den i took a walk arnd the school.. becoz the stupid meeting din start yet.

went for the meeting. lynn asked if i had been crying. anyway, wasn really paying much attention to the meeting.. jsut chap in abit here and there.. anyway thru this meeting.. i realised that all those pple at the meeting can actually be very close one.. i mean ppl at today's meeting only. managed to hear abit of their viewpoints abt certain stuff too. was busy writing throughout the meeting.. yup wanted to rush to finish it before she left mah.. den ended hurriedly den gaf her the reply den chiong to the busstop. i daren face her anymore. i felt so frustrated.. i felt my heart pounding like anything.. i rather it just jump out.

on the bus.

mabel and xiaoting went to eat their lunch, den we went to bedok library.. then along came yinghao.. the dizi senior u noe u noe?.. hha. den he talk talk talk abt the co stuffs.. actually its nothing really new to me, except the ttk getting caught part.. the other news either i have thot of it before, if not, i heard ppl talking abt it before.. but one thing he said made me feel kinda xtra. it was actually both of them .. he was saying the word zhiweis den i suddenly felt like i wasn supposed to be there u noe. anyway.. the stupid librian caught us talking den say abit lorh.. den he left and elft us to study. but mabel and xiaoting couldn study. as for me, i finished a chapter. den decided to stop. den used the time to rest my eyes too. they feel so tired due to certain reasons..

den stayed there till 6.30pm before i left. on the way home, i thot of alot of things. just like that lorh. guess what? i forgot what i thot of.. mebbe is think too much everyday liao..

tonight, specially came online to wait for her to come online..

actually felt much better? after writing everything lah.. seems like ive jsut let go sum things. mebbe it would be beter if i changed my way of living. i shud just become human. i just relaise that my way of doing things are really wierd and different from the rest.

id be lying if i said i dun feel anything at all after everything, but the fault doesn lie on anybody, jsut me.

crying to myself seem to be wad i do mostof these days. aiz.. everytime i update id be remeinded to certain stuff, be it sad or happy.. the wrold is gonig really mad.. time is flying past every second. i duno whether everything would turn out like what i expected.. jsut let time heal everythnig, then again, i ask myself, do i really haf the time?

i remember abt few weeks ago, heard this person sae on the bus, not that i was eavesdropping.. becoza she was talking to a sharon on the fone. she went : sharon, im ur best friend, why would i sae things about you? i didn sae .... and she's an adult. i certainly wun hope that this happens in future. well, maybe let this be like a lesson for everything. maybe if nxt time got such things happen, den i will noe wad to do, i hope.. heeheez.. maybe i've grown a teeny weeny bit thru this? as in my thoughts and everything?

ok la.. let me end before my parents cum back.. i shall try to be happy as from now? BUT.....

00:03

-keeps me alive