memories-
Monday, July 12, 2004
so life's like that? i was kinda forced to come online today to update.. i was trying hard to study for my chinese test tml.. den guess i was thinknig of alotta stuff? could not concentrate den had e strong urge to come online to update..
sunday was tuition day. guess the sky oso sad for me that it poured! lalala- nayway i enjoyed tuition, cos did the maths problems with huiyi again.. den feel so accomplished again cosh i managed to do the last question! haha smart gal-
chinese tuition? same old thing lorh boring.. oh yeah! my neighbour bought roast duck for us! yummie man!
at night, watched the NKF show.. haha remember last time i watch den always like watch serials liddat.. now they integrate the stories of many suffering kids into the show thing.. like so sad for them liddat horh? and it so happens that every family has more than one problem.. im quite lucky then..i shudn complain much.. hai
TODAY- hurried to school to "welcome" peini into dhs! hahaha.. together with serene... yup. life goes on. xiaoting didn come to school today. ya.. duno why i was quite concerned abt her these few days.. esp after the happening la.. was ferst to msg her.. den offered to bring her stuff over for her.. liddat lorh.. den i felt quite nice :) very happie.
lessons went on.. blah blah blah.. got olevel chinese cert today! ahh.. the best cert i'll ever have!
after school, had VJC talk.. the place sounds fun horh? but duno whether can get in annot la. mebbe hear the TJ, HC talk before thinking further..
after the talk, took bus with krystal, weiqi and huimin to bedok den took train with weiqi.. i alighted at simei.. den whoa! downpour.. den din want her to fall sicker by drenching herself in the rain, so decided to find my way to her house at blk146.. heehee. went to give her the zaoju paper, her cert and the chinese ws. in turn, she showed me her very many different collections of everything! hahaa. silly gurl. den after that, around 6plus 7, went to buy food with her before going home. den she was like wanting to buy me something but i always paid ferst. hahaha anyway money is not everything .. u get what i mean..
i feel so happy after today. im proud of myself.. and im happi that ive done something good. i was telling her that "anyway, im very free".. but is that true? actually if i din make my way to simei, i would haf settled myself in some corner to study my chinese.. not say i gaf up on my chinese now la.
on the way home, i din think much, i only bothered to catch up on the revision for chinese test.. however, there always seem to be something on my mind.. that i cant really concentrate anyway.
at home during dinner, i was messaging her. duno when did i become so "open" suddenly told her somethings that i would not haf imagined myself telling someone else.. about my promise to myself and wad i think. mebbe she wouldn know what im thinking.. good in a way. it was just SMS.. it made me hate the way i dun haf the ability to communicate with people. its like im making use of this livejournal or xanga (more of livejournal) to talk to people. but this seldom get to an intended person.. i've always felt at a point of time or another, when im happie or when im sad.. i always wanted a someone whom i can just message to tell my feelings to.. but that would have to be a person who doesn know me.. a person who doesn reply.. its just fat hope on my side. maybe i shud just anyhow key in a number and send! its like tlaking to sumbody up there.. and makes u feel better. rather than keeping to myself ma. it all started from my unwillingness to share. its not like its my fault? i want to.. but i cant?
then started to study after dinner! just couldn't concentrate for nuts! god save me!
although it finally dawned on me that im subconsciously making use of LJ to voice out my thoughts, when im updating, i dun often take into consideration that there'd be pple reading these entries.. thatz why mebbe u guys dun even understand what im typing about.. with alot of ambiguity.. u noe.. im always thinknig of these stuff myself. .so its actually not much of a diff to type it out... but the difference is just there..whenever im itching to tell somebody something, that somebody would haf to be LJ..
actually i can remember that in sec3, when we were still quite good friends, sitting together, i once told her that pple who read my LJ are mostly my gd friends. i guess i made a wrong statement.. quite wrong.. i forgot what she said liao larh.. but its just a *bang* to me.. i mean i wanted her to knwo what i haf always been thikning all these while.. i can recall don saying that dun see me adn her sit v.far (after changing seats).. but its like there's an invisible string linking us together. yes us..
ok enuff of telling.. i guess i still haf quite alot more to say.. but just cant sae it out properly. just duno wads really bothering me.. but im much happier these days as u can see. i guess she really makes a huge difference to my life. i just hope for the better and i dun want ppl to be my friend just becos they feel like they need to repay me something. i'm a willing party and i dun expect reciprocation..i just want pple to know the real me.
yup, thats me!
00:04
-keeps me alive
