```iamsharonang--

memories-

Saturday, March 19, 2005

M'sia trip 2005 pictures
http://community.webshots.com/user/sharkang88

yup. managed to upload. took like 4hours to do it? fine i know im damn lousy. i din know the freaking limit to an album is 100 fotos. so i happily keep adding and changing titles and adding captions till 159 fotos. and worse still, the program happily hanged at my 59th foto. so i had to retype, recreate new album blahblah. to make matters worse, my fotos werent arranged in order!

my previous blog entry. took like 4hours to do it too. take it that i type and think slowly then.
my neck hurts now. i think it got worse. anyway i think i have d habit to tilt my head to the right when using computer. d funny thing is i will purposely change d position of my chair to make sure tt my head is facing right. HA. mayb cus im too used to my old computer position which is wrong and bad for d neck.

look at the fotos. realised tt most pic were taken on both the concert days. d only pics tt i take with my fav ppl were taken on tt day. ferst n last day oso took pics with chrys n chinyong. cool that makes 80% of human fotographs tt ive taken. and guess what? im wearing chouwei shirt both red and black. cant help but notice tt it isnt really nice compared to the concert attire and others' CV.

realised tt i only snap when i with certain grp of ppl. gees. too lazee to ask d juniors too..shall do so next time (if there is).

when i look at the fotos tt i like most amongst the msia trip fotos, i cant help but remember a sentence tt i read few weeks ago. there doesn seem to be any link la, but jus cant help remembering only. im so glad tt the sentence wasnt true or din come true. hais* i cant help but go back to re-read the letter and cant help but tear again. also read the very first entry. hmm i forgot to save d most important one which is d 2nd one. d one that caused everything to change? sighs. i duno i duno why i like to jus re-think, re-cap and re-enact the past, when d best is jus forget everything. there were even certain points of time weeks ago tt i felt tt life was so empty, no sign of dhsco lingering around me tt i wished being scolded again. but on 2nd thoughts, no thanks. not for a million. i treasure d letter d most. but i still haf certain things tt i wanna understand very clearly but, quite gan ga to ask oso. aie, nvm..dis whole thing have knocked me to my senses and has also affected me alot in what i do n feel nowadays. hmm. duno why when i think of two blogs. some sadness still comes back to me, whilst another blog, i dun feel anything, just a certain closeness come creeping by. sigh, when by right, judging by d owners, the blog shud haf much more impact on me. sigh, i cant help but think of how the two blogs read. i think of their owners. i think and i think...nothing can cover up nothing will ever make me forget. i still feel sad till this day, that i shud be doubted in this way.

dhsco. jus this afternoon i told myself i MUST live without dhsco, knowing really well that i'd be the hardest thing to do. hais, im afraid. i dun wan to go to any jc. i jus want to stay on in dhs. i'm scared that my relationship with the dunman ppl will not hold on - due to both the distance and time apart. i'm afraid tt i'd drift away from those ppl not in hc..some 4H gers, peini, chrystal, junda, chinyong.. i'm afraid of everything and anything that could happen from today onwards. tt the reason why i'd rather msia trip comes to a standstill on one of the days..and that i'll never return to singapore again. why return? when u r with ppl whom u really wanna be with. i'm worried that i wun haf time to return. i'm worried tt i will lose contact with them. i'm worried tt we wun haf anymore common topics to talk abt. i'm scared of the day when my blog starts blogging abt everything tt happening in jc. well, but i know i haf to seek my emotional comfort elsewhere sooner or later. sighs. transition period, my hardest. funny- cus i never had any problems adapting to anything. but i had to let go just when ive realised what everything meant to me, how ive lived life without realising the subconsciously, ive actually classified things and events in my mind. how important certain ppl and things were to me and how insignificant others were. now i totally refuse to add new ppl onto my MSN list or handfone contact. partly because they are all full. and partly because of another reason i guess. but i know that i cant remain this way for the next two years? four years, or rather three years. its d longest that ive ever spent with the same bunch of ppl. unless u count rosyth co that i still miss. tt day i jus said hi to rachel, my junior for 3 years @ dunman gongyan. to ppl like huimin, rachel.. just like me n junkai, one day we'll meet again. parting has never meant anything to me at all. but now just a tiny graduating means so much to me. seems like ive amplified the whole situation. wangui just said:"we are all in singapore". singapore, small as it seems, appears big now to me. just when ive realised the importance of ppl, just when ive found where i can find my true self.. i remember in sec1 and sec2, i did not even take things seriously..keep making myself seem so happy.. it was until sec4 that i learnt alot, mostly from co ppl and when i started knowing how the feeling "sad" and "moody" is. CO is where i get real life.

sigh ppl reading this will think im mad la. and im worrying unduly. but i really cant help it. cus its different when u treat ppl as ur best friends and when ppl treat u as "one of their best friends/friends". it might be different cus ppl treat me as a senior when i treat them as my friends. i duno what im getting at too..just thinking bah. hmm i think i seriously need to stop this nonsense.

i get really moody when i think of my schoolwork. i keep telling myself that if it was one of missfang's special assignments, i'd rather do them a hundred times than do a piece of my assignment. i jus keep hanging on to dunman n not letting go. now i tell myself that i must let go some parts of it, but another part of me tells me not to let any go. i duno wad to do do now, cus i cant really do anything, but jus let nature take its course? let me hope that there's some powerful agent capable of taking away dunman high frm my mind in hwachong. meanwhile, life shall continue as usual. much as i wanna contact them, i feel that im disturbing them. *shrugs* so i shall wait till someone contacts me.

its the night.. nearly 3am- long time since ive had a proper thinking session. gee. i blogged for nearly one hour 30min. i better log off in case my parents come after me with a parang. cyahs.

01:38

-keeps me alive