memories-
Sunday, May 01, 2005
hello. im in a not-very-good mood. somehow two ppl triggered some thoughts in my mind.
anyway let me update abt my few days first:
friday. cant remember anything other than CO. ok la the friday practice just gave me some hope. i think we r improving every practice. waikit called.
saturday. morning woke early to go to gym to make up for not going for training. went for fenzu at 9.30am. feelin quite moody la. until went to out to prac nonsense songs with liyu. (frm gr5 to gr7) ok basically i watched her la. found out that she was the pro-rg ger who keeps practising in shangyin two yrs ago. hah. crap anyway. den went canteen to buy food? den met this weird person. dun really wish to elab la. mmm den aft lunch(crappy food from CHS) had full dress rehearsal. wearing black long skirt sucks la. after everything, went to shangyin with liyu supposedly to buy a new gong. in the end stayed at shangyin until 9.00pm! for no real reason la. anyway yup. its been long since i took the paya lebar route home. nothing much has changed.
today(sunday). the weather sucks! hot and humid. and the whole family gotta wake at 7plus cos a cleaner is coming at 8am! no real mood to do work also..just rushed thru abit of bio, GP, chem and math tutorials. nothing actually got into my brain. slept for 3 hours in the aft. kayee called.
ok yah. so the thing is right. two main ppl has just made me realise and think further about something, which is i realised that i've got nothing other than co related stuff to talk about. as in real stuff la. if not, it'd just be crapping.. like what i do with siyuan n youbao tt kind. you get it? tt why i dread 22nd april to be over a few weeks ago. now i dun want 3rd may to come.
sometimes i do wonder what frens actually talk about. or is it jus the company that counts? really lah issit just me or does everyone else not talk about their lives when with others? i very sian diao. everything sounds so superficial but in fact everything i do comes from deep down. i may not say anything abt at least i FEEL something. it may be just standing beside each other or just holding the fone w/o anyone talking.
ive got nothing to talk to anyone la seriously. i think my life is quite nice and fun and everything. maybe i live in a world that i created. i believed that everything was just mutual. frens feel for each other despite not saying anything. no need for ppl to keep going out and hanging out cus these are just superficial stuff. but maybe it wouldn work in the real world.
( im talking to siyuan now. cant really think properly la)
anyway haha i just thot of something i wanted to say since...march. haha done with all my problems as well as bai tuo dhsco probs.. my life really seem unhappening. dun u realise too? no ups and down..the gradient is like the same la. i need abit of excitement. but no thanks dun give me the old problems.
i talk when necessary (ok maybe i don't) , feel when necessary and do things only when necessary. and i think i very lihai in being superficial/fake. the only difference is how i feel inside tt all. and i realised tt ive done away with most unnecessary things like last time there was this in thing about saying "hugs or muacks"..ha and i entertain ppl. i dun like to approach ppl but wait for ppl to approach me lorh. aiyah quite bad i think im gona isolate myself some day. quite confused by myself also. i duno who i really dun like and stuff liddat. life is so complex. i really wonder how other people manage.
few years ago. i had a thought of doing up a whole long list of questions for me to know how others live. like give them scenario questions and get them to ans. hahs. or maybe i could get an invisibility cloak and sit in in one of the clique outings.
(sian.i keep typing paragraphs. den i press backspace.)
anyway. its been long since i last had a honest entry. nowadays very difficult to cook up any honest entries la.
hah. i think i have my own wonderful life. but maybe to others i dun have any life. everyday go school come home go sch come home. i enjoy going out myself. shoppin myself. watching movie myself. do everything myself. but sometimes i try going out with others. i dun really like it la. other than eating with others its the best so far. i try shoppin with others. ok its fun. cus i look at others shop den try to draw conclusions. bang. but its no use trying to live others' lifestyle so it means tt im stuck with myself forever. seriously i think if i were others, and i get to know someone who's like a me, i think i wouldn really like d person. does telling each other each others' problems help in anything? ok la i dun mind listening to others but i dun have anything to tell others back!
i try to say more of what i feel and think already. too bad if there doesn seem to be any difference. i dun sasy things out, is that the main difference btw me and d others? oh and its been long since i've pasted this so here goes: [She is a complex person who can be very emotional and at times, emotionally manipulative. Since her moods shift around so much, she can be quite a handful. An intuitive gal, she relies on perception to gauge and uncover the world around her. In her leisure time, she enjoys sports that are competitive and challenging. She isn't satisfied with moving along at half speed. Stubborn and strong-willed, she won't refuse to let something go until she has her way. Some days she's a loner, while at other times she craves the company of a group. This erratic tendency also applies to her personal appearance -- at times it matters like crazy, and other days she won't even comb her hair. One of her greatest traits, though, is that she'll stick with something to the end. She has her own agenda which she will go after with confidence and ingenuity.] after i re-read it since long time ago..haha i found alot of true things again! im a true scorpion! lalala-
dong! i have nothing more to say. there's CO tml! my last and final practice with HCCO. hopefully. oh. VJ seems quite confident. guanyu will reign! Oh anyway. i have a recorded version of guanyu frm dhsco msia trip and i have xing kong too. haha can hear the diff btw the msia trip one and the syf one.
someone is rushing me to publish this entry. hah. whatever. i have not achieved my aim of typing out the bio independent learning module thanks to siyuan!
23:46
-keeps me alive
