```iamsharonang--

memories-

Friday, July 01, 2005

desperado. i need to blog. mainly because of last night. i just connected a keyboard to my dad's keyboardless desktop. and i think i plugged out the printer connection. or was it the scanner.

tuesday. laze at home, as u can tell from my previous post. but i was hard at work doing maths till 4am after shao nian bao qing tian. but the progress was so slow. trigo really sucks. subst here subst there until blur blur.

wednesday. continued with maths after i woke up. sianz. den my parents went to msia. ha den i felt like snoozing. but i went cycling instead. sheesh i realised these small roads around my housing area lead to many places. and i looked at those rich peoples' house. i passed by many terraces, apartments, condos..whatever. and then i saw this old rundown m.i.n.d.s school. very old very run down. but they had proper sanitation and everything. this would be heaven to any of the primary school or blind school that we visited in laos. went to revisit my childhood too...went to the playground to play..sit the swing..yup and i tried closing my eyes. it felt quite different. i wonder what the blind people felt like. i remember swinging this swing for a guy who refused to get down the swing after that.

returned home. did maths. and of course watch tvee! the chan u show is really nice. oh talking about shows, i saw someone i know on tvee on monday night i think. hahs its really funny. i did maths till 2am..again trigo. sheesh.

thursday. the last day before maths paper. i felt so chiongy..but it was impossible to do maths non-stop. i do for like less than one hour stop to find something to eat, or sleep for 15min. ah quite low efficiency huh. still managed to watch tvee..till 11pm. yupt he chan u show again..called 9-5 zi zun. very nice and i really like rachel and daxia! arghs. okay. after the show i decided to flip through my tutorials, revision and notes..yada yada..

ya i like to use paper that has been used on one side to do my tutorials. then as i was reading my sequences and series tutorial, i saw this piece of paper, on it was something that i've scanned and printed but i found that it wasn of any use later la (fortunately then). den, with nothing better to do, and not thinking of the consequences, i read the contents of the printout. and hah. like magic i found that i could not concentrate on my mugging later, couldn even get to sleep initially.

that was when i felt so compelled to blog.but i couldn it was past midnight and i simply had to go to sleep cus i have a paper the next day. its like flashes of my memories keep coming back.. oh yes remind me not to go read my archives or my bio can just go down the drain. uh-huh.

oh and i have a question. do people prefer forwarded sms.as in those picture and words kind. or just a simple self-typed personal message. but i personally think those forwarded message, although u send it really sincerely, it'd look as if u just forward it, without much thought..like not much meaning. even if i really meant to say what was in the forwarded sms..it wouldn be the correct effect. when i receive a forwarded sms, say from person A, i would just open the message and go "oh is a forwarded message from person A" and just leave it in my inbox until i feel like sending forwarded sms to people then i read. then i'll go "oh how come i din know i had this message in my inbox?" but then again. if i want to tell this person "i miss you". and i just type three stupid looking words into the fone and send...so corny. people would think im mad also. but what if that's the only three words i wanna say? oh this is getting so complicated.

yah this was around what i was thinking of last night. i really felt so compelled to send a typed message. but i did not. hmm. there, its me who stops myself from bringing myself to people. i see the trouble. i wun know how people would think, therefore i hesitate to carry out what i really want to do.

anyway. lets get back to my topic. maybe its just like doing a question wrongly. when you do question wrongly, you tend to pay more attention to that type of question the next time u do, and when u revise. its just like making mistakes in life. when u take a wrong turn, you'd probably pay close attention next time. actually i dont know what is my point la. just that. i'm guai wan mo jiao-ing to say something that i cant really think of how to put it across.

"friend"- 1. a person who shares the same feelings of natural liking and understanding, the same interests, etc, but is not a member of the same family 2. a helper, supporter, adviser, person showing kindness and understanding. 3."a friend in need"- a true friend, who comes to help you when you are in trouble. and "friendship" is the condition of sharing a friendly relationship, the feeling and behaviour that exists between friends. "acquaintance" a person whom one knows, esp through work or buisness, but who is not a close friend. what then, is a close friend? i look at everyone whom ive know so far.. some are rather easy to put into the two main categories friends and acquaintance; some i may treat them as friends, they treat me as acquaintance or vice versa. and how to further subdivide the group of friends? how are you supposed to behave when u are with friends or acquaintance (lets define acquaintance as someone who is not a close friend for now)? its like hmmm. i duno if im doing the correct thing the correct way. said before, for me its like the mutual understanding and trust kinda thing. so when i dont say anything, the other party is expected to feel. haha sounds like magic..but thats around what i mean la.

anyway, after typing the whole entry, ive decided to come back here. let me ask then, define "junior" or "senior". its quite funny. people who r my juniors or seniors, that i treat as quite good friends, i dun really call or refer to them as friends. ha but junior/senior seem to be the magical word that works with my parents. i bet when i say i go out with my friends they will have abit of doubts. but when i replace the word friends with junior or senior, then it is a different case. anywayyy, i think ive got the meaning all wrong. but to make things simple and save explanation (to my parents and others of course). i think ive slightly distorted the meaning of some words. maybe not distort. one good example was probably in feb la. dun wann say it here.

oh no. ive digressed. but anyway, let me relate something to the forwarded sms thing. u know for example, people give you a present. nice or not nice, still its the thought that counts. bought or handmade, its the thought that counts. let me ask you another question. choose bewteen an expensive present that u've always wanted and a hand-made present that takes very very very long and alot of effort to do..but it might not be what you really want. easy? this topic makes me think of an event that happened sometime in august last year. anyway it concerns one of the person that happened to cross my mind last night. i swear it wasnt on purpose. but yah it still irks me and the question of how i should behave in that someone's presence came to me.

talking about that person, i can link to another person, that the printout concerned, that remained stuck in my no-brainer brain till i fell asleep unknowingly last night. maybe that explains why im quite drowsy now. oh let me comment on something first. i wonder how long is this entry. haha ive been typing non stop for like (looks at the clock) gosh. one hour. i remember being stuck at drama fest that day and wanting to go back home to read that something. oh yes. it was a friday. the next day was a satuday. hrms. anyway. i just went to read the old entry to refresh my memory. and then i felt so happy. i think of the dinner at macs. i think of how i helped someone hold something. yeah it was that thing that i once held last year too. aww. i am still happy. lalala you know, i realised that when you want to get things done, u'd have to get them done yourselves. from my past two stupid experiences, i realised that people who say that they will try and everything are basically useless in sloving the crux of the problem. they only make it to the surface.

enough of the "person" and "someone" thing. let get back to another of my topic. my mathematical induction tutorial was done on the draft copies of the msia trip booklet..another distraction from studying. is it then a mistake of mine to use interesting rough papers or issit a good thing that spices up one's studying?..anyway and then..i recalled the many things.. let me do it again. well..i'll probably never ever get the chance to do anything like that again la. i mean for the same "organisation".

okay enough or i will go on and on. i think i am very lor sor. but cannot help it la.

i believe i will touch on the same topic again when the right time and right mood comes. let me go on to the maths test.no. exam.

it was er. well. big improvement for the gp, physics and chem paper. boost my morale a bit higher, but the thought that im taking bio on tuesday just made every bit of morale go away. sigh. i went to hc cus of my parents, i took up triple sc because of my parents. and i don't like any of the sciences. see the link. i dun have to spell it out huh. in case some patriotic person starts shooting off here again. sigh. yeah face reality. its bio. i think the paaper is gonna be darn difficult. but i definitely hope i'd score better than chem or physics la. sigh. i hate the sciences. i prefer maths. everything got formula got steps one. unlike physics or what. practice does not make perfect cus i cant even do the practice. oh enough of this. i hope i'll do well for maths. well as in hmm.we'll see.

about the future. i planned to go to dhs to take my olvl cert today. guess what. why today? sigh. i hope the sec4s dun haf pract today. cus im not planning to go down already since i've wasted ages on typing this entry. and besides, my bro jus told me that theres no dateline. next thing im gonna do is to cook curry noodles for myself. (ah remind me of hostel life- me and weiqi like the curry cup noodles! hostel life rocks. now also kinda like exam period. more than once, ive wished that im still staying in the hostel. no need to tidy the place and easier to get into the studying mood. and the most vivid memory that i can remember from last night till now is me walking down to pass kayee her TYS. i dunno why too.) oh yes, then start reading bio. den watch 9,5 zi zun. yaoxu said its d last episode. sheesh.

hc makes me feel so oppressed, unlike what i felt in the holidays.
but. i think. and think. then again, what makes me think that being in dhs make me much happier? apart from the fact that theres co? come on la i even forgot who i went for recess the most often with. im so sorry. someone pls remind me then. whatever la the grass is always greener at the other side.

b.y.e.b.y.e

12:56

-keeps me alive