memories-
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
*unicode pls
突然觉得我需要一个人来关心我。。(tu ran jue de wo xu yao yi ge ren lai guan xin wo)
sigh. felt so tired den wanted to take a little rest on the bed. but couldn as i kept thinking of people. also duno how to describe my feelings now.
then thinking about when i was sec1 the zirui* thingy. and when i took out my erhu to prac just now, i remembered the rongbu that liyu gave me on sunday. guess i will find a certain amount of comfort when i see someone i like- people who are good to me. well. sec1 is totally no image one la. so can anyhow behave. but at this stupid age = ?
*the history was that when i was a poor tiny sec1, zirui was our psl. given my pathetic pri school life, i suddenly felt that she was very nice to me. then i like her alot. well, come to think of it now. maybe my family contributed to my this kind of thinking and behaviour. they were slogging like nonsense ever since i was born den spend v.little time at home*
i've yet again found myself at this stage whereby i find myself seeking for my comfort and consolation again. 现在很难受(xian zai hen nan shou)..bth
她们走后，我该怎么办呢? (ta men zou hou, wo gai zen me ban ne?)
havent been seeing them much after sunday. its been less than a day. and im feeling like shit. i wanna hug someone. at least there's the warmth- not like the doggie on my bed.
i only want to find my comfort zone and some consolation each time. it isnt for no reason.and for one im nowhere near having a disorder.dun u find that at times when im high i totally keep my hands off everyone.
i wanna have seniors around. :'( *sobs*
if only could sleep on forever without having to think of my problems. its not the emphasis on me being sick, its the need for someone nice around.
talk about true happiness. where's mine? im too dependent on people outside home. then when im at home i feel so empty. nobody to depend on.
the fact that there's chem to study makes everything worse. cant eat the flu tablets cus its makes you drowsy (then cant study) and i refuse to eat the panadol cos it lowers your threshold of pain. but d great thing is im too good at hiding my sickness that each time my parents see no sign of it. yesterday i wanted to ask them write an excuse letter for pe today. but i din, cus i dun even see the need of telling them. either i get scolded for being out on sunday or nothing constructive happens.
its at certain points of my life like this that i'll begin to feel that life sucks alot.
tell me why i cant find a single 同届 (tong jie) that will gimme such an impact.
issit only just me. or does anyone ever feel like me now?
who knows that i'm feeling down- in d dumps now?
no crying pls. or 'll end up going to school with puffy eyes like this morning.
im sorry whoever who tried to talk to me on MSN. i dun feel like talking.
maybe it isnt really good for people to be nice to me. eventually i'll still feel sad..
20:09
-keeps me alive
