memories-
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
cant help but notice that ive been online diligently almost everyday? there must be a reason for it. sigh.
let me pick up from where i ended.
during GP, miss lim keep making fun about me and my wonderful english/gp. somemore she said, "sharon ang, all your subjects so good, but GP so lousy".. sigh. not that all my subj are good la. just that GP really cant be studied for! i like stuff with a fixed format, well, at least for studies.
training. actually, i got a little glimmer of hope when wenyi sqaid i can take k2 with lihui! but what a waste! lihui came late for training. sigh- anyway, the t1 isnt really putting me off much as training time drew closer. juuuust paddle lor, like what they always say. what could happen? just that haoxia was there, to watch me suffer. i bet he knew it. shrugs, it was so so so predictable. *beep beep beep beep* all chiong! after awhile, left me trying hard to go straight behind. the 1 on 2 off one was much more enjoyable, cus tt one no need stamina! just pia and by the time u realise it, its already halfway into the set:) shrugs. but still, towards the last few sets, the i-cannot-go-straight mentality came back to me. i keep going left and right, but not straight! argh! exasperated.
first slopes run since duno when. i dunno if its my weak mental strength or my weak body. everytime i tell myself to accelerate, i jus wun go faster. its like i will give up trying halfway. sigh. like what haoxia said, my fitness is really lower than what it was roughly about three weeks ago. like on saturday, i thot i was running fast already, when suddenly everyone just overtook me like siao..and yesterday,i couldn even keep up with amanda and my 2.4 timing is atrocious! shrugs. i look at leilei, and wonder if i wasnt really sick, would i have done so many crunches and pushups at home? i duno. i sorta envy those backache and shin splint or ankle sprain ppl. at least, they could move around do something and not just lay in bed all day! well, maybe i could try doing leg raises in the hospital. .plus, i have to emphasise that it wasnt my fault at all that i got bitten by the mosquito. if not for that i'd still be nice and healthy and maybe fitter. pushups and pullups werent as bad, but the next 30pushups are terrible. man, this is gona be contradictory: i wish i could do back closed-grip pushups cus that would mean im paddling more proper, but i dread that day too, cus i have jus started to accept the open grip one, since wenyi's doing it too!
after training, wanted to tell haoxia that from 28april-1st may, i'd be away in penang, but he, as usual was too busy with the juniors. well, let me explain la. its dad's company trip and me and mum discussed previously, and decided to give it a miss. but when we went home, dad said he already booked three places and the deposit wasnt refundable, so, out of the blue, during the may-day holidays, i get to go overseas!
when i was preparing to leave with rina, he wanted to talk to me. sigh, sense -danger- already.. so he talked and he talked. basically he just said what i've been thinking of the past few days or week.. no, he didnt bully me la. i bet he felt bad, cus he msg me to ask why i cried just now! "..lets go back to 3 weeks ago, when you were hospitalised, i put rina with wenqi, taking your original partner from you.. cus i din wanna wait.." now, i'm still going to continue waiting. waiting for him to find the right "permutation" and for me to become better? im very afraid that my fitness wouldn pick up. n the way home, i kept thinking of the consequences if that is really going to happen. and so now, i think im going to try to boost my mental strength. im going to try not to eat so much, and start jogging abit more. do some pushups there and then. and there! i found THE reason for me not to perform for the CO concert.
its great looking at wenyi's and dear rina's msg. but that, together with more random thoughts, made me look like some weird person on the bus-crying for no reason. i really dunno whether i should thank the mosquito or not. but really, the day i fell sick, to the day i was hospitalised, it was kinda a "welcome rest" as rina mentioned. but it has caused me alot! not forgetting all that stress from the workload. sigh, even though i'm officially unfit to do heavy duty stuff, i declare myself a normal human and i am going to do normal human stuff. therefore, i dunwan any teammies to comfort me by saying "but u just got well.." and i am not going to keep that in my mind too. just, not= 3weeks
i decided to think and act properly finally. i msged ningfei to tell him that i couldn perform. well, they cant make me. i'll die~ shrugs
haoxia's online! hurhur i saw his silly disp pic already. plus, he made me send him all the STJ pics. a whole lot. so slow somemore. and he uses emoticons. omg-
sophia messaged. what nice and sweet junior :)
done. im off!
20:16
-keeps me alive
