memories-
Friday, August 04, 2006
the atmosphere's getting really scary nowadays. by right, everyone should have started "mugging". by wrong, im still in this lost mode. somehow wanting to indulge in the upcoming shicheng concert and wish that time would freeze jus here, and somehow stressing myself over the upcoming exams.
this werent going right for me the beginning of this week, was suffereing terrible moodiness and stomachache plus diarrhoea for a few days:( plus fighting the fatigue and sian-ess to try to finish the tutorials, like all the rest of my classmates are. nono,in fact, they are always ahead of me. im becoming more and more influenced by the competitiveness in hwachong, and the ways and studying methods of people around me. which is b-a-d. i rather be unaffected by their chao mugging and go at my snails pace and be as relaxed as can be!
haven done a single exercise this wk, except for my NAPFA 5 items, cus i was forced into taking it, with an upset tummy :( and badminton during PE. but well, i think i've lost quite abit via excretion too anyway. argh. shall restart next week.
another thing. quite serious. went NSC on wednesday to see the snr consultant la. i found out the one 'after-effect' of having too many high fevers is causing hair growth to be stopped at 'standing' phase aka they dun grow anymore. so they die off. and yadayada. so i've gotta wait. and wait for the newbies to grow. but well, kinda relieved cus it isnt anything wrong with my body.
thursday morning on my way to school, dunno why some thoughts came into my mind. and it really made me moody for the rest of the day. jus like kinda summed up some thoughts for the past 3 or so years. finally i evaluated. finally i knew what i was always thinking, what i've always wanted. i thot ive gotten over it, but i haven. if this particular happening that happened roughly 3 years ago, have had a different ending, life would be so much better for me now. till now, i am so, so very convinced that they've made the absolutely wrong decision. jus look back and see for yourselves. i dont know, but yes, its partly my fault. my fault for not stating clearly what i want, not fighting for what i want. and trying to act noble. and their fault for making the wrong choice. one day, i will find out the real reason. cus im quite baffled. they are 'killing two humans with that one decision'. whoever's fault, i dun think i can get over it that easily since i value everything so much. hurts me to recall the whole scene. praise me for my perserverance and oh my, thank god i have my passion. yesyes, if anyone happen to know the reason pls enlighten me. privately.
ive looked forward to today's cco practice for SO long. week after week, for abt 3 weeks, been living my life looking forward to cco practices on sundays, seeing all my fav seniors and cute juniors. but soon its going to end. wenjing's so looking forward to the concert, but i dun wan everything to end!:( well, today wasn as ideal as i imagined it would be as there was liyu's unexpected disappearance. but it was like cool cus wenjing came early n brought sandwich for me! (altho i ate tuna sandwich before that alreadi) and i got to notice how adorable our sec3s really are. omg. i saw the zz fretting over how to open the container of chocs and meixue was like "yesss" so enthusiastically when i asked if she wanted choc! haha.
oh yes btw i bought the merci chocs frm the counter @ sch, meant for passing arnd in shicheng, and spent half the time worrying abt the safety of my choc that i conveniently lompang at the refridgerator beside students lounge.
im so satisfied with my progress during practice! :P *pats* shall be at my best on sunday:) anyway ive jus discovered the most suitable candidate to be mr gentleman of the year, and he's none other than my senior benson! omg he offered to send me home! who in the world would be crazy enough to send me-who-lives-in-serangoon/hougang home? plus, he lives in katong *clapps* and he's so nice to everyone else. haoxia has alot to learn.
being in hwachong drives me nuts! i really wish time could freeze now. free frm studies, only have my beloved erhu and co to dream about. and the concert to look forward to. i cant imagine myself starting to mug. its really weird, i keep pressing myself but i dun do anything. my friends reckons im stressed. wah. plus all the considerations and preparations for uni applications and everything. im going nuts. i must really consult liyu on sunday.
plus all that birthdays. look at the long list. damn. i have to do some shopping tml. and some brainstorming.
news: my parents are out gg to genting for the next few days! we'll b home alone!
23:39
-keeps me alive
